Daydreams...

It seems like I can never get away from daydreaming about my own life. YES, there are bad bad days... and days that I just want to throw in the towel. It's not always easy. I have heard that when you have bad you can enjoy good even more.

For instance, after scrolling through Instagram for an undisclosed amount of time... and watching people I have been following (some since 2009) and seeing their kids go from babies, to toddlers, to kids... It strikes me over and again that this is what will happen with my kiddo. Other people who have watched her since day 1 will see this too... what a weird thing to watch. And tear-inducing... too fast. All too fast.

From the moment she was 1 month old I said... too fast. Now she's nearing 19 months old... HOW? How? I don't know.

I lay her down to sleep at night RELIEVED to finally be free of her never ending curiosity, her need to run, jump, scream, flail, and get-into-every-last-drawer-and-empty-them-all. But, when the sun rises the next day my heart feels heavy and my eyes feel on the verge of tears as I look at videos and photos of my child and miss her... even though she is just 2 rooms away. Some days she'll sleep SO long that I am nervous... will I walk in and find her escaped through the windows? Did she somehow get into the living room and is channel surfing? WHY IS SHE STILL SLEEPING?

So, I go wake her up and I never, ever want to forget what it's like to see that mop of unruly, tangled hair.. to see her give me the biggest baby teeth grin, to hear her say mama and blabber on in her jibberish language... Because tomorrow she may actually say something more, and one day she won't need me to come in and get her out of bed... because one day she'll be too big to carry to breakfast... and that day is upon me faster than I know.

Oh dear child of mine, your mama loves you with the tears of pain, heartache, joy, and love. You are the cup to my tea and the pump to my heart. Stay little just a little longer....